When I was a young lass, cruising through my young adult life without a care in the world besides clothes, led zeppelin, drugs and beer bongs, it was an entirely different world. I didn't have children to take care of, a man to love and feed or a mom body. You know what I mean by mom body. ha. When I was younger I would go to the local river and float down it with my friends. Sure there was alcohol involved and maybe once and awhile I would earn some beads around my neck for flashing my, what I miss now, perfect rack.
I decided to float down the river again, ten years later. I was with my love and another couple we love who are a little older than us. The four of us arrived on the scene prepared with a cooler, lots of fresh fruit (because that's what partying is all about) and some floppy hats. While outside of the car where all of the young mutant idiots were tail-gating at 9am and showing off their childish bodies that made me cringe when looking down at my own, pasty, cheesy mom body,...we cautiously sprayed every inch of ours with sunscreen and sipped on water. We know how to get down.
Approaching the river amongst all of these fools was a cherished moment for me. I feel like I'm young still inside but I was thanking the universe at the moment that I was an almost 30 somewhat responsible adult.
They had pirate flags, speakers the size of my tube, hipster hair styles and bathing suits, random tattoos in the most random spots, beer bongs, dogs on their rafts, bags of marsh mellows which would later be pelted at my head and the most ridiculous excuse for music known to man. I think I heard a group yelling the lyrics that I swear went like this. "monkey shoes my monkey shoes" or something like that. I couldn't paddle away faster. I especially loved floating by the group with kids and the song "lets talk about sex" blasting on their speakers. You are not cool.
So after the marsh mellow wars, the furious leg kicks to get away from the large groups of children with rabies, the constant comparisons in my head when I would see a naive 17 year old with a perfect set of boobs and feel a little less confident and the constant worry of what disease or piece of tiny garbage is getting too close to my crotch...it happened.
A guy in a very large group on blow up mattresses, including scared as shit dogs trying to balance, asked me if I wanted a jello shot. I said "uh sure" He said "show some boobs". I felt like lifting up both my legs and arms at one time so I could fall right through the bottom of my tube and sink to the bottom. But instead, I did what an adult would do and said "no thanks, I have mom boobs and I only show those puppies to my lucky boyfriend over there, but have a nice day".  Oh how life has changed.